


Fuck Being a Beta

by Tonystarkisaslut



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (off screen only), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mild Gore, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25924402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonystarkisaslut/pseuds/Tonystarkisaslut
Summary: Beta/Omega pairing; with angst surrounding the heat cycle.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Steve Rogers, Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 46
Kudos: 146





	1. It Isn’t Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously not all abo universes are like this; this is just one I came up with for the angst.

He isn’t ready.

Tony isn’t ready for this. He just isn’t.

Logically, he knew this day would come. He just… wished… he just wished that he could have had a little bit longer. Just a little.

Peter is in heat. The second heat, since they got together. And this time, Peter wants to spend it with Tony.

Last time, Peter and Tony had only just gotten together. It was a year ago—thank god for suppressants for putting this off for so long—and they had only just gotten together so Peter used his toys and that was that.

This time… he wants Tony to take care of him.

It’s breaking his heart. It really is. The toys don’t help, when Peter can smell Tony. When he can feel his heat. When he can see him. When he’s _right there._ The toys don’t help.

Tony knew they wouldn’t. He told Peter they wouldn’t. He wanted Tony there anyway.

He should have said no. He really really should have just said no.

Because now Peter is sobbing into his chest, a fake knot buried as deep as possible, and he’s begging for more. “It isn’t enough Tony, please, please gimme more Tony, please!”

Tony knew he wouldn’t be enough. He isn’t enough. He knew it. But it breaks his god damn heart. “I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I’m sorry sweetheart.”

Peter sobs and rocks his hips, sniffling. “Please, w-want your cock Tony. Please put it in me!”

And Tony smiles sadly, wiping away Peter’s tears. “It still won’t be enough.” I still won’t be enough.

Peter practically screams in agony. “I don’t care! I need you in me, need you cum, please please please!”

Tony sighs and pushes Peter into the bed, pushing on the nape of his neck. Peter won’t see him crying, should it happen, in this position. He pulls the toy out, wincing as Peter howls in pain. “I know. I’m so sorry sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” He pushes his cock in, feeling Peter cry out in relief. “I know. I know. I love you, Peter.”

Peter sobs, pushing his hips back. Tony isn’t as big as the toy he was using, but he doesn’t care. Having a real life dick inside him, warm and pulsing and delicious… “Alpha! I love you alpha!”

Tony fucks Peter with everything in him. He really does. Everything he has, he gives to Peter. He ignores the pain.

He isn’t enough. It isn’t enough.

After finishing inside Peter, Peter’s relief lasts even less time than the toy. Which Tony told him would happen.

And now Peter is crying again, begging for more again. Begging for a knot, for an alpha.

Tony just isn’t enough.

“Do you have someone, Peter?” He asks, voice somehow not breaking. As long as Peter can’t see his face, maybe Tony can pretend he isn’t dying inside. “Someone who could help you?” In the ways I can’t?

Peter whimpers and shakes his head. “No Tony, don’t have any alpha friends.”

Tony closes his eyes, letting out a heavy breath. “Friday? Who’s in the building?”

“Mr. Rogers, sir.” Good girl, for knowing what he meant. He nods to himself. That fucking cunt bag would be only alpha here, wouldn’t he?

“Thanks, baby girl.” He turns to Peter, listening to him cry and whimper. “Okay, puppy. I have a… an alpha is on his way, okay?” He’ll be able to take care of you.

Peter gasps, looking up. “Alpha? Knot?”

Tony smiles, despair and guilt coursing through him. He thanks the gods betas don’t make scents. Not the way alphas and omegas do. “That’s right, baby. He’ll be here soon. You’ll get a knot.”

Peter mewls, kissing Tony’s face all over. “Tony! Thank you, thank you! I love you so much Tony, thank you!” He sobs.

Tony closes his eyes, smiling as he lets Peter kiss him. It’s selfish. He knows it’s selfish and stupid and it’s going to hurt him more in the long run. But he relishes in this moment, of Peter loving him and wanting him and only him.

Peter lets him know Steve is here before Friday does. He starts to squirm again, writhing and panting.

“Tony… I don’t know if I feel good about this. You know what will happen after.”

Fuck Steve Rogers. He wishes Steve Rogers were fucking dead. He nods, smiling broken heartedly at the omega who probably doesn’t even know Tony is still here.

Stupid Steve Rogers, looking guilty and sad and pitying at Tony. Fucking alphas. “I know. He needs-he needs a knot. I don’t have one of those.”

Steve sighs, petting the omega’s hair. “You can stay. If you want.”

Tony makes a face. Like hell. “No. Just… just call me when it’s over.”

~

Tony stares at the bottle of scotch sitting on the table in front of him. He’s been sober for four years, three months, and 16 days.

He decided he would stop drinking the day he met Peter Parker. Because if he was going to fall in love with an omega, he wanted to be sober for it. He didn’t want to make bad decisions.

Fat load of good that did him.

He stares at the bottle. He’s been sober. He fell in love with an omega.

He wishes neither of those things happened.

~

When Steve comes back out, he’s fully dressed. He doesn’t know if that means good or bad news. “Hey, Tony.”

Tony closes his eyes, wishing he had decided to open the bottle after all. “Is he okay?” His voice breaks, and god fucking dammit. Fuck Steve Rogers.

Steve looks at him with so much pity in his eyes. Tony wants to blow Steve’s brains out. “He’s okay. His heat is over now.”

Peter didn’t come out looking for Tony. Tony feels tears building behind his eyes and he swallows thickly, nodding to himself. He doesn’t say anything. His voice will break again.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I told you this would happen.”

Tony nods again, opening his eyes and letting the tears fall. Who cares. Steve already proved himself more a man. He sniffs, reaching for the bottle and breaking the seal.

“I can come back later to get his stuff…”

Tony leans back, nodding again. He tilts the bottle back, swallowing down four years’ worth of regrets.

“He isn’t angry at you. If that makes you feel any better. He’s glad, actually. He said he was glad you took care of him.”

Tony keeps the bottle to his lips. Did Steve Fucking Rogers actually think knowing the love of his life is _grateful_ Tony gave him up would make him feel better? Or is he being an ass?

“I um… I’m going back in there—“ in _Tony_ ’s room “—um… I’ll take him to mine later. When he feels more up to moving.”

Tony nods, taking another gulp before setting the bottle down on the table. He heaves himself up, wiping under his eyes and sniffing. He nods, again, and grabs the bottle. He can drink elsewhere. “Okay.”

Steve hesitates, looking like he wants to say something else. He sighs heavily. “He said he loves you.”

Tony turns from Steve Fucking Rogers, going to the elevator.

Steve has always been a bad liar.


	2. Fuck Knots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just loads of angsts sorry babs.

Tony, to his credit, didn’t kill Steve Rogers. So, you know. Plus side.

However, that doesn’t mean Tony is okay. Because he isn’t. At all.

Steven Grant Rogers is the biggest cunt on the entire planet, and Tony is half convinced he’s actively trying to make Tony kill himself.

Tony is holding a bottle in his hand, sitting in an armchair off to the side. Everyone gave him such _pitying_ looks. He hates it.

He knows Peter left him. He knows his love isn’t requited anymore. He knows Peter is a happy omega, sitting in the lap of human perfection. Literally.

And god, Peter is so in love. He’s so in love with Steve it makes Tony feel sick. He sits in the alpha’s lap, making heart eyes at him the entire time. Like Steve is his whole world.

He used to look at Tony like that.

There were attempts. To make Tony date again. Pepper set him up on several dates with betas. Clint took him out drinking in bars and clubs. Nat gave him an alpha to help take his mind off it. Nothing worked, of course.

Tony touches the omega’s mark on his neck, from when Peter was so lost in heat he couldn’t help himself. He knows he’ll never move on. He biologically can’t. And even if he could, he doesn’t think he could emotionally.

Fuck alphas.

_Gulp._

Fuck heats.

_Gulp._

Fuck being born a beta.

_Gulp._

Fuck knots. And lackthereof.

_Gulp gulp gulp._

Fuck Steve fucking Rogers, and his smug fucking face as he looks at Tony. As he puts a hand around Peter’s neck and kisses the mate mark he left there. As he says he loves Peter.

Tony can’t do it anymore.

He goes upstairs. It’s been a year. It’s been a _year_ since Peter left him. Since he told Tony he wasn’t good enough. Since he mated with Steve. Since they broke up.

He should have _moved on_ by now.

He grabs a new bottle, sits on the floor in the dark. He drinks. He listens to the complete silence. Closes his eyes against the blinding pitch black. And he drinks.

He should have said god damn no to helping Peter with his heat.

He should have been more adamant about how he wasn’t good enough.

He should have killed himself a long time ago. Long before he met the omega.

He should have said _no_.

But it’s too late to change the past now; so instead he drinks. He drinks alone, in the dark. He drinks and he tries to get drunk enough he might not remember in the morning.

He thinks back to the last day together. How he had begged Tony for a real alpha. For a real knot. How the toys weren’t working. How shoving a whole fist up Peter’s ass wasn’t enough because Tony wasn’t enough.

He thinks about how Peter had said he loves Tony, no matter what happens.

He thinks about how Peter is a liar.

He drinks more. And he grabs a new bottle and he drinks more. And he drinks until he has the thought of ‘I need to stop because if I pass out face down I’ll drown in my own puke’ and he put the bottle away when he though ‘would that really be so bad?’

He crawled into bed. He had burned the last one. The one where Steve fucked his omega in. He replaced it with a new one.

He moved rooms, too. The guest bedroom got an upgrade in size because now he lives here. At least it doesn’t smell like Peter.

God, Peter.

Why did you leave me, Peter? Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why couldn’t I be enough? Why did I have to be a beta? Why can’t I have a knot? Why don’t you love me anymore? How could you turn on me so fast, move on so fast?

Peter.

Tony falls asleep, thoughts echoing around his mind.

When he wakes up, he tries not to be disappointed that he didn’t drown in his own puke. He fails. Like he does everything else.

He showers. He gets dressed. He goes to work. He braces himself for when he’ll have to see the love of his life again. Probably in the alpha’s lap.

And he drinks.

He doesn’t kill Steve fucking Rogers. So, you know. Plus sides.


	3. I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter’s POV of what happened so far, and what happens next; all the way to the end of the story.
> 
> Happy ending!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angssttttttttt + happy ending, abo bullshit science and stuff. Suicidal thoughts/attempt, and mild gore mention that does not happen in the fic.

Peter stares into space, feeling empty. Steve is a great distraction; he’s an amazing alpha, and when Peter is with him the older man is all he can think about. His mating mark made sure of that.

But when Steve isn’t there... all he can think about is Tony.

About the broken look on his face as Peter, high on hormones, begged for a _real_ alpha knot.

About the way Tony is always drunk now; his natural scent completely overruled by alcohol.

About the way Tony scratches at the mate mark Peter accidentally left on Tony.

About the endless parade of omegas, betas, and alphas alike coming in at night and leaving in the morning.

Peter just wants to die. He really does. Steve is a good alpha, he really really is. But he isn’t Tony.

He just feels so _guilty_ all the time. He wants to be with Tony, wants to love him and tell him he’s enough and that no matter how hard he tries he _can’t_ love Steve.

And he’s been trying for a whole year.

He tries and tries and tries. Because Steve is an amazing alpha, a good person, a great leader. But no matter how hard he tries, the best he can do is his infatuation with the alpha caused by the Mark.

Peter wonders, quite often, if his death would mean Tony could move on. He’s read a lot about it—about mates dying before their lover. How it hurts like hell for a week, before the mark fades and it’s more bearable.

The only thing that gets rid of a Mark is death. How fucked up is that?

Peter’s thought about it so much, it’s practically all he thinks about. When he’s making dinner for Steve, and he’s holding a big knife. He thinks about slicing it through his wrist, bleeding out on the kitchen floor. Or when he’s in the shower alone, and Steve’s razor is _right there._ Or when he’s on top of a tall building, looking out for crime over the city and he thinks, _what if I just didn’t catch myself_?

Peter thinks about getting drugs and overdosing on them when Tony walks into the lab smelling like alcohol poisoning and doesn’t even notice Peter is there.

He thinks about taking a bad guy’s gun and shooting himself in the face, knowing the criminal will get blamed.

He thinks about using his webs to hang himself when Steve fucks him.

He thinks about drinking poison when he makes Steve’s cup of coffee.

He thinks about jumping in front of a train when Steve asks what Peter wants to watch on TV.

He thinks about taking heat-inducing pills out in public at night, in a shady part of Queens so entitled alphas find him.

He thinks about it all the time.

He’s done thinking about it.

Peter really can’t take it anymore. He just can’t.

Tony finished three entire bottles last night and if Peter doesn’t die, Tony will. He’s sure of it.

Peter decides on hanging himself. It’ll be easy to clean him up, it isn’t as traumatic as finding someone bleeding out or with their brains on the wall.

He writes three letters. One to May, saying that he’s sorry for leaving her alone. One to Steve, saying he’s sorry he couldn’t love the alpha, that he couldn’t be a good omega. And one to Tony.

This one is longer. It says how he tried his damn hardest to love Steve but he couldn’t. He can not get over Tony, he can’t move on. It talks about how Peter is sorry his heat-riddled mind made Tony feel like he wasn’t good enough. That the pain he felt coming out of heat and realizing what he did was infinitely worse than the pain of going through heat with Tony.

He says, “My Tony, I love you more than anything else. More than I thought possible, more than a year’s worth of being with an alpha could erase away. I’ve been thinking about this for so long, and I think it’s time. I can see now that you aren’t going to get better. And that’s my fault, and I’m so sorry Tony. If there was any other way, I would do it.

“I looked it up. I studied it for months. I know this will work, Tony. It’ll hurt like hell for a week tops—maybe even less, since I don’t have your mark!—and then my mark on you will fade. You’ll be able to be happy again, you’ll be able to move on and find someone who’s actually worth it. Someone who won’t hurt you, someone who will love you just as much as you love them.

“I’ll be watching from beyond, Tony, wherever we go after. I’ll be watching, and I’ll be so fucking happy when you find them. The person you belong to, the person who can and will make you happy, who won’t hurt you. Someone who isn’t dumb like me, or selfish. I can’t wait to see you happy again, my love.

“I’m sorry there isn’t any other way. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I was dumb, and selfish, and that I wasn’t good enough. Because Tony, it was me who wasn’t good enough. Not you.

“I love you, Tony.”

He put all three letters on Steve’s pillow. The alpha will be home in a couple hours. In Steve’s letter, which rests on top, it says where to find Peter, and to send someone else if he needs. That he won’t hold it against Steve if he can’t bare to look.

And Peter grabs his web shooters and leaves.

~

It’s a beautiful spot, really. A big oak tree looking over a pond, surrounded by flowers and smaller trees. His parents’ old house is on the other side of the pond. He wonders who lives there now. Must be an older couple. His old tire swing is gone, and the toys that used to be all over the lawn are missing. There’s loving porch decorations everywhere. Florals and pottery. Seems like an old person house.

He hopes they don’t look across the pond in their back yard.

He shoots a web up to a high branch, and ties a noose at the end. He jumps up and sticks to the tree as he fastens it around his neck.

He’s scared, suddenly. It hits him all at once—he’s about to die. He’s going to stop existing. He’s going to just—just not be here anymore. The world will keep going without him, and he won’t be here to see it.

But then he thinks about Tony. About how hell stop looking like he’s already dead inside. About how he’ll stop fucking anyone who moves in a hope to stop hurting inside. About how he’ll stop drinking, maybe even smile again.

God, his smile is so gorgeous. The world has been deprived of it for far too long now.

Peter closes his eyes and lets go, waiting for it to happen.

~

Peter wakes up; which is something he thought wouldn’t happen. But he does, and when he does, he sees Steve asleep next to him.

“A-alpha?”

Steve jumps awake, looking around before he smiles sadly at Peter. “Oh, thank god... when I saw your letter, I thought...but no, I got you in time. Thank god.”

Peter thumps his head against the pillow, tears starting to fill his eyes. “You saved me,” he mumbles.

Steve pets Peter’s hair softly. “It’s okay. It’s okay now. We can work on this, okay? It’s okay you don’t love me yet. It’s okay.”

Peter shakes his head, tears finally spilling. “I don’t _want_ to love you, Steve. That’s the problem.”

Steve winces a bit, but he keeps petting Peter’s hair. “I read Tony’s letter,” he says softly.

Peter nods. He expected that.

Steve sighs sadly. “You really don’t want to try with me?” He asks. It makes him sad; he loves Peter. He really does. But...

But if you love someone, you’re supposed to do what makes them happy. Right?

Peter shakes his head, crying. “I’m so sorry, Steve. You didn’t deserve this...”

Steve smiles sadly, but shrugs. “Okay. Okay, I can... there’s something I want to try. If you’re _sure_ you don’t want me...”

Peter looks up, curious. “Steve...?”

“This I’ll hurt,” Steve whispers softly. “And if you didn’t have super healing, it would kill you. There’s no guarantee that this will erase my mark, that it won’t just grow back...”

Peter swallows thickly, as he suddenly understands what’s about to happen. “Even if it does kill me... I want it. Please, Steve.”

Steve sighs sadly and pulls out a pocket knife. He looks over around the room, and grabs a metal tool. He slides it in Peter’s mouth. “Bite this. Try not to scream.”

~

Peter almost died, that day. But two weeks later, he’s smiling in the mirror. His scent gland grew back. Perfect, and without a mark on it.

He turns to Steve, who is smiling sadly at Peter. “It worked,” Steve says softly.

Peter beams and jumps into Steve’s arms. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you!”

~

Tony is sitting on his couch, a bottle in one hand and the remote in the other. He hasn’t started drinking just yet. It’s a bit early, Pepper could still call with paperwork.

He’s flicking through channels, when he hears the elevator ding open. He looks over his shoulder in confusion, but gasps loudly.

Peter.

Tony rubs at his eyes, and when he’s still there, he puts the bottle and remote down. “Peter?” He whispers.

Peter walks over, tears in his eyes. He exposes his neck, showing the lack of—

The lack... the lack of...

“Your mark,” he whispers, awed be touches Peter’s scent gland. “What—“

“I cut it off,” Peter says, his tears starting to fall. “I couldn’t... I couldn’t take it anymore. I never stopped loving you, Tony. I never stopped wanring to be with you, wanting to...” he sobs and takes Tony’s hand. “Please take me back, Tony! I’m sorry, I’m sorry I was so selfish and stupid. I’m sorry I was so desperate, I’m sorry I made you do... those things. Please, please take me back. I love-“

Tony cuts him off by kissing him, right on the lips. He pulls Peter into him, his own tears falling. He pulls back after a while. “I missed you,” he whispers.

Peter sobs and clings to him. “Never let me go again,” he whispers back. “Please!”

Tony leans down and bites hard on Peter’s scent gland.

The euphoria that surges through them both is intense, earth shattering. After all this time, the amount of pure pleasure, the sense of love, safety, and commitment...

“Mine,” Tony whispers into Peter’s neck. “You’re mine. I’ll never let you go again.”

They have a lot to talk about. A lot to work through, a lot to decide, a lot to catch up on.

But it’s worth it.


End file.
